Defend Your Homes with Guardians of the Galaxy
How to Protect Your Own Little Corner of the Universe Like a Star-Lord
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 is set to land in theaters today! Lately, the internet has been going crazy with every promotional teaser, trailer, and poster released by this new, but incredibly popular expansion of the Marvel cinematic universe. So, we thought we’d get in on the action and have a little fun showing how you might, if you were so inclined, protect your home like one of Star-Lord’s gang of outlaw heroes.
What’s that, you say? You’ve never seen the first Guardians of the Galaxy movie, you don’t read comics, and you prefer the real universe to anything the venerable Stan Lee has seen fit to put down on paper with pencil and ink? Well, briefly—for context—here is a rundown of the who, what, where, etc. of Guardians of the Galaxy.
The Rundown of the Movie, Opening May 5
Star-Lord is a human orphan (from his home planet Earth) who is abducted and raised by space pirates. In the first film, he retrieves an object of incredible power, an infinity stone, from the ruins of an ancient civilization. This stone is coveted by most of the baddies in the galaxy and also sought after by the Nova Corps (intergalactic cops.)
Star-Lord runs up against Gamora (a green woman not from Earth), who is looking for the stone for her boss. They fight, but are ultimately captured by bounty hunters Rocket and Groot (a talking raccoon and an immensely tall plant creature), who in turn are captured (along with Gamora and Star-Lord) by the Nova Corps and thrown into prison, where they meet Drax (an alien with a vendetta and no sense of humor.)
The five team-up to sell the infinity stone, but fail, and it ends up in the hands of the second biggest baddie in the galaxy. They decide to go after it for the good of the galaxy and potentially for profit. Much fighting ensues. What will happen in the second film remains to be seen.
Who Might Defend Their Home Better?
So, Star-Lord favors guns as his weapon of choice, but he also fancies himself as an excellent dancer. And, given the statistics on protecting one’s home, perhaps dancing your way out of trouble is the better recommendation. But, we don’t expect you to take this any more seriously than you might the name Star-Lord…
Gamora favors edged weapons. But we don’t believe this is an effective means of home defense for the non-expert. Forget Gamora home security!
Drax also favors edged weapons. So his method of protection is hardly an option for the average homeowner either. But, his complete lack of appreciation for irony or metaphor, coupled with his lack of a sense of humor is the right attitude for a homeowner who is serious about home protection. “Do not mess with Drax” might be a great home security sign to plant in your front yard!
Rocket may be a talking raccoon with a serious fascination with weapons, but he’s also the engineer of the group and his gadget-heavy approach to security is definitely an appropriate fit for someone looking to protect family and home from real terrestrial baddies.
Rocket + Baby Groot for the Win
Groot may only be a baby in the second film, but let that serve to remind you that it’s his sacrifice near the end of the first movie that allows the other four members of the team to live through a massive calamity. Plus, the idea of using plants to defend the perimeter of your property (think rose bushes, hawthorn trees, Sleeping Beauty, thorns etc.) is time-tested as a passive security measure.
However you choose to defend your home, with Star Lords or barbed fence, we hope you have a little fun along the way. In fact, there’s a game we pulled together that’s all about “Defending Your Home,” why not play it today, see Guardians over the weekend, and then next week find your new (safe & secure) home, at Homes.com.
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