Being a Zombie Isn’t Easy
We’ve all experienced that extremely uncomfortable, cringe-worthy moment when a “breather” scurries across the street as they see you coming. Or worse yet – when they try to sever your brain with an old tire iron. And then there’s the lumbering around, the limited mobility due to the purification process, and the fact that gravity is pulling all your fluids toward your extremities so you’ll eventually look like you’re wearing overfilled juice gloves. As if that’s not enough, you’re also always hungry, no matter how much flesh you consume, it just never seems to fill you up.
The last thing you need is to struggle while looking for a nice home in a comfortable neighborhood. You want a sanctuary of your own, just like everyone else, where you and your zombie family can peacefully decompose and occasionally snack on the brains of the living.
This is your official guide to the best places to look for a home in and around the Atlanta area — when you’re one of the walking dead looking for a place to take a load off and settle down.
If you’re a walker who dreams of quaint communities with rustic charm and peace and quiet, look no further than the picturesque small town of Alexandria (Senoia, Georgia). Incorporated in 1860, this snapshot burg is something right out of a Town and Country photo shoot.
However, since the whole zombie uprising thing (the apocalypse), a revolving group of pesky “breathers” have built a massive eyesore of a wall. Talk about ruining the view! Where there was once a beautiful vista of rolling forests and lush Georgia countryside, now you’ve got ramshackle, corrugated steel walls and chain-link fences everywhere.
But don’t be discouraged, there’s more to this area than unsightly, hastily constructed barriers.
The surrounding forested areas are a perfect place to take your morning stagger. The trees are spaced perfectly to give you enough room to stumble without having to worry about getting your tattered rags caught on a branch. And the local flora and fauna are absolutely breathtaking (pun intended).
Not to mention, on occasion, an Alexandria resident will venture out to forage for food or… I don’t know what humans do… find clothes ripped just enough to still look fashionable then whisper at each other dramatically. Anyway, the good news is, the nearest neighboring town is quite a distance away, which gives the “breathers” time to become weary and exhausted. And you know what that means! Yummy fresh brains!
So if you like rustic charm, Norman Rockwell styling, and the occasional feast of human flesh – look no further than Alexandria!
COBB ENERGY PERFORMING ARTS CENTRE
If the country life isn’t your bag, you should head just a few hours north to Cumberland, northwest of Atlanta, and make your way to the Cobb Energy Performing Arts Centre (often mistaken for the CDC for some reason). This is a massive and distinctive structure overlooking the (once) bustling I-75 freeway.
Home to Broadway plays, ballets, and wonderful musical events, this eye-catching structure features a whimsical design – with the asymmetrical top rising in swirls, looking like a soft-serve ice cream cone – or a nice blended brain smoothie on a hot and humid Georgia day. Apparently, it was a pretty popular place. Now, of course, it reeks with the rotting viscera of thousands upon thousands of ex-humans. But, the architecture is amazing!
The building was originally constructed to house up to 2,700 people with the seating distributed over three levels: the orchestra, mezzanine, and grand tier. And now, it’s completely empty. If you’re a walker with an affinity for striking architecture and a whole lot of space, the Performing Arts Center is for you! Just make sure to bring a mop, because there’s a whole lot of blood.
WEST GEORGIA CORRECTIONAL FACILITY
This last one might seem a little, well, out of the box. But wait! Before you scroll or click away, hear me out. Sure, you might not think a prison would be a welcoming place to settle down but seriously, this place is paradise.
Especially if you’re hungry!
See, the thing is, the “breathers” look at this blocky, utilitarian structure and think, this could be a perfect place to set up shop. But with all their infighting and inability to just get along, the fences are constantly opening, putting us right at the front of the line for the brain-buffet! The way this place is laid out, with tons of corridors and dark corners, a crafty zombie can easily lie in wait. These feckless “heart beater” are a frightened smorgasbord, constantly arguing and running off into unexplored areas of the prison, without a weapon or flashlight.
Sure, the interior design could use a little work. It was built to imprison hardened criminals and whatnot. But hey – throw up a few Target canvas photo prints and slap on a fresh coat of paint, and you’ve got your own super -reinforced zombie fortress. Maybe even hit the local Restoration Hardware for some reclaimed barn-door console tables and some “new” vintage throw pillows, or add some personal touches with some of the local handmade furniture. Nothing brightens up home like a handcrafted rocking chair on a gun turret.
Life may be over—but it’s never too late to find the right place to live (die).
OTHER NOTABLE LOCATIONS TO CALL HOME
Cumming: Check out the beautiful homes in Cumming, just north of Atlanta. Flanked by a beautiful lake and lofty mountain peaks, it’s the perfect place for outdoor adventure.
Dahlonega: Set in the North Georgia mountains, this quaint 19th-century town features a fascinating Gold Museum and a vibrant wine scene.
Fayetteville: If you’re into American history, Fayetteville is brimming with civil and revolutionary war sites and monuments, accented by perfectly manicured city gardens and a picturesque lake view.
Sharpsburg: This tiny town (population 347) is the very definition of quaint. Mid-century brickwork and rustic storefronts dot the picturesque (if very short) Main Street.
That’s not all, the ‘breathers’ have a whole site full of listings where we’re sure you’ll find a mind-blowing (watch your back!) place to call your own! Don’t forget to check out Season 9 of The Walking Dead on October 7th.