Homebuying is more stressful than love life, poll suggests. Mental health specialist offers tips for managing.

If you’re lucky enough to buy a home, it’s a milestone. But it can be a stressful milestone, especially if it’s your first time.

A recent survey from insurance company Nationwide found that the process was more stressful than job searching, wedding planning or, shockingly, dating. Working with analytics company Edelman Data, the Columbus, Ohio-headquartered company polled 1,009 recent first-time homebuyers earlier this year to ask just how stressful the process was.

Very stressful, it turns out.

Seventy-one percent said first-time homebuying was more stressful than landing their first job, 59% said it was worse than wedding planning and 56% deemed it more anxiety-inducing than finding a long-term romantic partner.

That stress doesn’t shock Chloe Carmichael, a New York-based clinical psychologist and author of “Nervous Energy: Harness the Power of Your Anxiety.” Homebuying often taps into a number of stress triggers: finding shelter, family, finances, decision-making, deadlines — “there can be a lot on the line,” she said.

“It can be kind of a double whammy stress because," not only is the shopping process stomach-churning with its associated financial obligations, “but then it’s attached to the anticipatory anxiety of knowing that, as soon as you buy a home, the next thing you’re going to do is move, which is another one of life’s most stressful events,” Carmichael said.

When the topic comes up in Carmichael’s practice, she often calls it an “eustress,” she said, pointing toward the term for a stressor that stems from a positive life event. If a homebuyer is looking for a starter home or trading up to a bigger one, some level of excitement might accompany the event.

But that isn’t always the case: If homebuying is related to a divorce, for example, “there’s usually some kind of stress associated with that, too,” which compounds the situation.

Either way, managing that stress is paramount.

Recognizing the emotions that accompany homebuying is essential, Carmichael said.

“That can actually help normalize some of the feelings that you’re having,” she explained. “And when we don’t just take a beat to allow ourselves to acknowledge that things are difficult, then we can have stress about stress or anxiety about anxiety.”

Breaking down these feelings also lends the process a kind of logic and gives a prospective homebuyer the space to recognize that these intense stresses are temporary.

“You can recognize that you have a time-limited stressor,” Carmichael said. “You’re just in a particularly high-stress, high-stakes type of moment.”

Although it can be tricky in the moment, a homebuyer should try to embrace the positive aspects of their stressful moment.

“Stress often happens during times of growth,” Carmichael said, likening the process to the way muscles shake while lifting heavy weights at the gym.

“If you zoom out for a moment and say, ‘Well, what’s the reason for all this stress?’” she said, “it’s because, ‘Hey, I’m buying a home.’ … That’s a stressful thing, but it’s also a mark of accomplishment.”

After you recognize the silver linings in your situation, maybe take a break from shopping for a home.

“Especially if you’re buying a house with your spouse or something like that, there can be this tendency to let it take over all of your conversations,” Carmichael said. The habit makes sense — the process is exciting and evolving — but carving out some time that leaves space for other topics is essential.

Sometimes, something as simple as eating dinner with the agreement not to talk about homebuying does the trick, Carmichael suggested.

Carmichael also emphasized the importance of making sure the team you’re working with is the right one for you.

Ensuring that your real estate or lending agent works at a pace you’re comfortable with from the get-go can prevent friction down the line.

“If you’re having any kind of personnel-based issues, just make sure to change those up right away, because having the right support team around you is obviously super important,” she said.

Sometimes, Carmichael said, a homebuyer needs a total break from the topic. But sitting with the stress creatively can help you home in on priorities and underlying concerns.

Carmichael suggested a “mind map,” which asks someone to take paper, write a general topic in the center (maybe, “homebuying” or “home”) and then jot down the immediate thoughts that bubble up.

“Do that until you feel like you’ve explored all those mental dominoes that are essentially connected to that one topic for you of buying a house,” she said.

If you’re buying with a partner or spouse, Carmichael suggested mind mapping together but individually, maybe sitting on the couch with personal sheets of paper.

“It can help to understand each other,” she said. “But it’s also a good way to celebrate the victories, to make sure that you’re also noticing all the positive things about the experience together and that you’re growing together with it.”